When I was thinking about going on the college trip to Israel and Egypt last year at this time, I found my inner being at war. Of course I wanted to go! It was a lifelong dream of mine. Yet I knew that it would take a miracle to go. The finances were not good enough on their own. I did what I try to always do and I prayed. What did I pray? Well, I prayed for God's will. If it was His will, I would go. If not, I would stay and be content. When put into words like this, it sounds simple and easy. However, it was far from this. It seemed that half of me wanted to go and the other half was being "practical" in that the money simply would not be there in time to pay for the trip. So, I began to pray that God would give me peace about the right decision and anxiety about the wrong decision.
I finally decided to go but still felt unsure. How was I to get enough money to go? Well, fundraising sounded like a good option. As the summer went by I found that I had less money raised than I would have liked. I felt doubt surrounding me. Therefore, I prayed that if I were to go, that God would bring the money in. That very Sunday, I visited a random church and met some of the members there. I mentioned to the one girl that I was going to Israel and she exclaimed that she had gone herself only a year or two before. We had a good conversation about it and I mentioned that I was raising money for it. Without hesitation, she went and got a twenty to give to me for my trip. From that moment on, I felt my confidence grow in that this was God's will for me, to fulfill my life long dream of going to Israel.
By the end of the summer, I was going back to school and I still did not have near enough money as I felt that I should. The pressure of the upcoming deadline weighed on me. I talked at Church, I posted to Facebook. Little by little, money came in. I can be impatient and hold a desire to have things go exactly how I want them to. This slow pace frustrated me immensely. If it were my way, I would have had all the money by the end of the summer. I like having things all nice and neatly laid out ahead of time. But, God was using this to grow my faith and my character.
One day, I was walking into the house I live in here at college and I was praying, "Lord, I'm really stressed right now. I would feel a lot better if someone gave even one hundred dollars. Two hundred would be nice. Three hundred would be a dream. But I would feel better if someone gave a hundred more. But, I don't know anyone who would do that. Most of the people I know are poor college students..." A few hours later and someone gave $200! I could almost hear God saying, "Do you trust me?"
What a test of faith it was too. A few people would ask me, "What happens if you don't get the money in time?" I would respond to them with "What do you mean?" They would clarify, "Would you just not go on the trip? What would happen to the money you did raise?" My answer would be, "I don't know. There is not plan. It is not really an option." I apologize if you are one of the people who said this to me but these questions people asked were of Earthly thinking. If you never expect the impossible, you will never reach for the impossible and you will not get to see quite so many miracles. The Bible calls us to live an extraordinary life of faith. We must trust in God. If you truly believe in the Bible, then this trust should come naturally. HOWEVER, this is easier said than done. Did I trust God? I did trust God to an extent. My faith was wobbly here and there. It was not some kind of heroic steady faith that was unphased. It was like a seesaw tottering back and forth. Some moments I would have faith as solid as a cliff with waves smashing against it. At other times it would be like one of the rocks my campers would try to skip across the river, it would just sink with a splash.
The ultimate test came when the due date was the next day and I still needed a couple hundred dollars. I emailed one of my professors leading the trip and asked for advice. We arranged a meeting for the next morning. Once in his office, he laid out some ideas. I did not have to pay it all right away but he asked if I would be able to get the rest of the money in time. My heart was unsure. I felt like I could hear God saying, "Do you trust me". In my head, I answered, "Yes. I guess I'll just have to try and come up with the rest of the money before then." Before I could give an answer to my professor, one of the other professors leading the trip was brought into the office. The two professors discussed my situation. It was found that they had more scholarship money. The scholarship money would cover the rest of my balance. I nearly cried! They asked if that was okay and of course I said, "Yes!"
God will use everything He can to bring you closer to Him. He does not waver while we may waver. It was because of God that I was able to go on this trip. I am thankful for it as the Bible has far more significance in my mind than ever before. This whole experience has grown my relationship with Him in ways that I could never have known. We were reading a passage just the other day and I was able to picture the story in my mind in a far more accurate way than ever before. I will never read the Bible the same way again. I will never face a financial situation the same way again. So, while they say, "Just trust in God", it is always going to be difficult because any experience that forces you to trust in God will also build your character. This is my testimony. This is a chapter in my story. My story is but a small story amongst the trillions upon trillions of stories that make up the history of the world. But, I hope it encourages you in that you are not alone in your struggle to do something that in words sounds easy. Furthermore, this testimony and plenty of Biblical stories show that trusting God with a difficult situation is actually very possible. One of the most important steps to this is prayer.
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